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Monster

Summary:
I'm nothing but a monster burning in a hell that only exists in my head. There's no hope left until one harmless glance chances logic and binds two eternal enemies together in a twist of fate. Can the escape from this hell be found in an infuriating dimpled grin? Or is this another dark, dirty trick of my own mind? A forbidden passion, heat, and intense anger—this is no fairytale.


Notes:
[Disclaimer: Monster is an originally plotted fic. The ideas within this fic are not to be copied in any way, shape, or form—I have not given my consent to any manner of copying. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the intellectual property of their respective owners. All canon concepts and characters are the property of the Twilight Saga's author, Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. Similarities are for the sole use of fan fiction, and no profit has been or will be benefited from the posting of this fic.] Emerging Swan Award 2012, nominated into Fandom Choice Awards.


36. We Might Fall

Rating 0/5   Word Count 4526   Review this Chapter

"Tell me are you crazy and did you mind the cold?
Tell me are you comfortable if comfortable at all?"
- Ryan Star.

Chapter Thirty Six

We Might Fall

A night in my confined room and a mind filled with thoughts of Emmett leaves me restless. The internal rage of conflict within me hasn't calmed, and instinct still leaves me wired and constantly on guard. Each muted footfall is placed carefully, every intake of breath collected slowly as I taste the stuffy air.

I can hear my "family" downstairs: the clink of a fork hitting a plate, a short chew, and then a low drone of groggy laughter. They talk occasionally, quietly adding a comment or two to their half-asleep conversation. All the while, I remain upstairs, listening. Nobody seems to have noticed the soft push of feet against a wall and the slam of a window being thrown open. Or maybe nobody cares.

This is so screwed up that even I can't make sense of it. I'm more invisible as I have ever been, edging toward the title of 'outcast.' I'm no longer one of them.

I shake my head as the thought hits me, throwing open my door. I slip into the hall, brushing along the wall before I silently jog down the stairs. The laughter sounds again, echoing down the hall. I feel my jaw set as I round the counter, turning to face the kitchen.

Sam, Emily, and Nicole are seated around the edge of the round table, holding onto their forks as they stab at syrup-soaked pancakes. Scents of sugar and batter are heavy in the air, and a light layer of what appears to be flour rests on the counter. The warmth of the room seems to radiate off the two wolves, infecting the air with a light-hearted mood. I continue to stare, standing in place. Nobody even notices I'm there until Emily throws her head back, releasing a tinkle of laughter. I lean to the side, into her line of vision. Her gaze flickers in my direction, and the laughter cuts off.

They all raise their heads, freezing in place. I move into the kitchen as I'm acknowledged, my hand finding the spare seat at the table. There's no way in hell I can stuff my legs under the tiny table. I spin the chair around, settling down onto it. The chime of silverware stops, and every gaze locks on me. They look at me as if I'm a stranger, strolling inside and helping myself.

I snort. "Yeah, I still live here."

The stares drag on for a few more moments until I lift a brow. Emily's lips turn up at the edges, tugging at the scars on her face. She clears her throat, appearing to be friendly, although the fear shines clearly in her dark eyes. "Hello—Jordan, isn't it? I'm Emily."

I nod. She is so careful to give off a sweet and gentle vibe. I've never been one to trip for sweet-talk. It's actually kind of sickening, but of course, she doesn't know that.

"So I've heard," I respond casually. "I've also heard—"

"Jordan," Sam grumbles, "Don't even start."

My gaze turns over to Sam. He sits on the very edge of his seat with his fists balled up, so strained that his knuckles seem to be white. The table wobbles beneath the force he's exerting into keeping himself still.

"Start what? Is a little friendly conversation gonna kill her?" I've not even made a comment and they're already starting to snap at me?

"No." Sam exhales sharply, blinking as he shakes his head. "You don't need to be saying anything negative."

Emily frowns at his words. Her expression drops as she stretches a hand across the table, cupping her long fingers over his fist. "Honey, what's wrong?"

"She's what's wrong," Nicole interjects, not giving Sam a chance to speak. She rubs her lips together, glancing over at me with narrowed eyes. "Funny you've just started to join in. Ready to commit to your pack again, or are you going to go run off to that leech to play around some more?"

My sister's words puncture the bottled bit of self-control I hold onto. Heat floods my body while my lip curls back over my teeth. I close my shaking hands around the edge of the table, tearing straight through the cloth. I lean over the edge of it, my dark gaze meeting Nicole's evenly.

"Ah-ha! The truth comes out." I shake my head, laughing in a short, humorless way. "If I was so selfish, I'd kill the bloody bastard. Long ago, I would have. We've already missed the redhead, and that's all I've come here for. I would have been outta here months ago. But clearly, there's a lot more than one little leechie to worry over, and you could use an extra set of teeth. And clearly, if I'm gonna be a help around here, I've gotta pull myself together. If I don't, I could snap. At any second, I could lose it and wipe out the whole tribe. If I don't take what he's trying to give me, if I don't give him a chance, the only 'helpful' thing I'll end up doing is slaughtering the whole damn tribe so we don't have anything to protect. Even though I'm finally starting to go somewhere, be someone instead of something, every little thing I do is a sin. Must I ask permission to breathe? Damn!"

Silence.

It takes a few minutes for time to start again. I puff heavy breaths through my teeth, meeting every stunned stare. My shoulders still quiver, but my words have eased my fire. I slowly release the table, finger by finger, willing myself to stay down. There's a nervous shuffle of feet from beneath the table, but no other sound. Sam's eyes bulge, as if he can't take the language, while Nicole's mouth opens and shuts rapidly, unable to form words.

Emily seems to be the least affected, probably due to the fact she doesn't entirely understand the situation. Despite everything, she gulps and breaks the silence herself.

"Would you like anything to eat, Jordan? There is always enough for you here."

My gaze flickers between Sam and Nicole. "I'm fine." I release a heated breath, sliding out of my seat.

Sam pushes off of the table, standing just as I do. "And where do you think you're going?"

His tone is sharp, like a knife, but the blade has no effect on me. I shoot one darkened glance in his direction, but my feet are already moving. I duck out of the kitchen, reaching for the front door. "Away from here, that's for sure."

Sam is hot on my heels. His hand catches the door, his nostrils flaring as he glowers at me. "You will NOT—"

I swallow back a snarl, although I can't control myself as I knock his arm out of the way. I turn my gaze into his. "Go right ahead. Order me down on my damn knees. Make me obey your every wish and sit around here to kill everything and leave it to rot," I snap bitterly.

Sam's eyes tighten, and his jaw pops as it clenches. "We will be having a bonfire to night, up at the cliffs on First Beach. Make sure you're back by then."

"Don't get your hopes up," I mutter.

The door swings shut behind me.

()()()

The white hand wrapped around my own contrasts against my skin, like a russet wood of a tree against the snow. Emmett doesn't seem to notice, his fingers staying locked in mine even as the heat of my hand burns against his own. We walk in an easy silence, stepping in rhythm with each other. There haven't been any comments about my causal shirt and short denim shorts, as if it doesn't even matter that I haven't dressed up. Emmett seems to be just as attractive as always, although his jeans and shirt seem much more fancy than anything I've ever seen. Or maybe that's just me.

Moonlight filters through the break in the clouds. In the corner of my eye, I study the nearly invisible glimmer on his skin, and the way his dimples are visible as he smiles. My eyes can't seem to stay away from his sculpted chest, hidden by the shirt stretched across it. His golden eyes are bright again, filled with excitement as if he has something up his sleeve.

We walk until the trees become more and more spaced out. Emmett pauses then, guiding me forward. His eyes shine in the darkness, set on mine as he pulls me toward the tree line. Still silent, he grins at me again and steps aside, revealing a meadow.

The clouds seem to have been swept away in soft breeze, revealing millions of twinkling stars. Under the ink-black sky, arched green blades of grass sway, their tips dipped in silver moonlight. I've never been in this part of the forest, and I start to wonder why.

Emmett clears his throat, distracting my gaze. Wearing a huge grin, he leads me closer to him before he speaks. "You wanna snuggle?"

I laugh softly to myself, raising an eyebrow as if the question is completely inappropriate. "You wanna snuggle with a big, bad wolf?"

He opens his arms, inviting me in. "Hey, I'm very snuggable."

I smirk at him, leaning back. "I'm not easy. You're gonna have to earn it."

Taking advantage of his momentary confusion, I duck beneath his arms and shoot out into the meadow. The long grass is unfamiliar to my feet, tickling my skin as I go. I breeze through the open lands, although I can hear the whisper of Emmett's footsteps as he charges after me.

As he starts to close in, I slow, my feet pausing in the grass. Emmett reaches for me, but I swing around him, taking off in another direction. My footsteps are practiced and careful, finding bare patches in the meadow as to not disturb the grass. I grin as I run toward the opposite tree line, listening to the squish of Emmett's approaching feet.

They grow nearer and nearer, but I push on. Gradually, the sound fades into nothing, although I know better than to believe that Emmett has disappeared. He's only being silent, stalking me like a hunter. I smirk to myself, whipping my head from side to side, as if I am confused. Out of nowhere, an arm wraps around my waist, lifting me off my feet. I laugh as I'm spun, the world tilting. The next thing I know, I'm flat on my back with a grinning, smug man hovering over me.

Emmett laughs, his cool hand brushing along my neck as he pushes my hair back. "What do we have here? Did I just catch the big, bad wolf?" A smirk lifts on his lips, his buttery golden eyes burning with amusement.

I can't help but laugh softly, my gaze trained on his. "No, no, no. You've got it all wrong." I pause for effect while his eyebrows raise, a smirk twisting on my lips. "The big, bad wolf let you catch her."

Emmett laughs, the deep boom sending rumbles through his chest. I can't help but shudder at the sensation it gives me, but he continues to laugh, apparently not noticing. I grin at him. "And now I'm wondering if this is really how a vampire snuggles."

"You do talk a lot," Emmett reasons with a shrug. His dimpled grin appears out of nowhere, his eyes measuring the confusion in my own.

He chuckles again, his eyes roaming down my body and away from my face. My stomach knots while his eyes dilate, turning an impossible shade of black.

I stare as Emmett's throat moves in an unnecessary swallow. He lifts his gaze back to mine, his cool and sweet breath mixing with mine. "That's a nice shirt you're wearing."

My eyes drop down to the white tank top stretched over my torso. "Is it?"

Chuckling, Emmett braces his elbows against the grass, leaning closer to me. His face is inches from mine now, and my heart explodes into rapid, racing beats. A grin spreads across his face. "If you're done talking now, can you let me persuade you out of it?"

He doesn't wait for an answer. Emmett's lips crash against mine. His arms circle my waist, pulling me tight against him. I find my arms winding around his neck while his lips take control of mine. The moon and grass disappear beneath us as the kiss goes on. It's just him and me, with no other bother in the world.

Another touch of his lips sends another shot of ice into my veins, my heart in a frenzy. His lips work with mine, rough, slow, and deep. He doesn't even bother to pull away as I start to get short of breath.

Emmett's touch is an electric zap, bringing every part of me alive. I can feel his hands sliding under my shirt, testing the skin. They leave an icy trail behind as they glide along, memorizing the shape of my body. I'm responding to him, but it's all happening so fast, I don't know what's going on. Are my fingers tearing at his shirt, or his neck? Are the breaths of his scent drawing me in to go further, or triggering the instinctive need to defend? Is the heat inside me my own want and need for him, or the wolf within? Is this passion, or the monsters within us, trying to eliminate the other?

Time has frozen. I know I need air, but can't bring myself to break away to get it. I know this has to stop, but I can't make it happen. I'm melting into him, his body hovering over mine, the icy fire of his skin turning me into a puddle. My fingers knot into his hair, my mind locking down.

He notices the tension and pulls away with a soft growl, his nose brushing across my jaw before finding my throat. I can feel the slight pressure against the pulse there, his icy breath clouding over my skin as he inhales. His hands slither around my waist, finding the line of my torn denim shorts. I tense further, but he doesn't notice this time. His fingers trail from one hip to the other, as if testing my tolerance.

My hands clench in the fabric of his shirt. The memory of the shape of his muscle burns in my mind. They're just beneath the fabric, completely exposed. His skin—so tough, yet so smooth—is free to me, open for my fingers to explore. My head swims as my own shirt is being pulled higher and higher, while Emmett's kisses trail lower and lower, his cool lips pressing gently to the warm skin of my stomach.

I'm jolted with another shock of desire. I growl through my teeth. My head leans back into the grass, my body moving so close to his own. The long, slender shape of my leg hitches on his waist. He returns my growl, his mouth meeting mine again as he closes the distance between our clothed bodies.

Deep below the heat of the moment, I'm blazing. I know I can't give myself away to him, not now. Doing this is going to finalize things, securing another knot that I have yet to tie. Emmett doesn't know what he's in for just yet.

The wolf inside me comes out of nowhere, eating away at all the icy shocks. The wolf is a sudden fire, rushing through my veins and pushing everything else out. My hand flies out of his hair and slaps against Emmett's chest, holding him back.

Emmett hisses, the sound spitting through his teeth. His hand catches my arm, and for a moment, I think he's going to tear it away. Instead, his dark gaze meets mine. He frowns, looking over both his shoulders before he looks back at me.

"What? You don't want to try this again?"

I release a sharp breath. "Emmett, I can't. I can't do this until I'm sure." Not until I'm sure this is real.

In a flash, he's freed our tangled bodies and rolled off me. He rests beside me, settling into the grass. My throat thickens as I imagine what he must think. He probably feels rejected, hurt, or even angry. I force my gaze over to him, studying his expression. He winks at me.

"There's nothing better than a woman with some self-respect."

He's impossible. And I like that. The human in him is so strong to me, so vivid, that I can't even see him. Emmett, a vampire? Emmett? I don't see that in him. Something about his jokes, his optimism, his grins . . . something about it is so alluring, so powerful, that even I can't go against it.

"Don't you trust me?"

I stare back at him, realizing that I don't even know the answer myself yet. I avert my gaze, swallowing back the lump that rises in my throat. "The monster learning to trust nobody by another monster . . . original."

Emmett laughs lowly. "Monster?"

"I'm a killer," I say smoothly, feeling his gaze on the side of my face.

"Really now?" He shakes his head, amused. "So am I."

A short laugh escapes my lips. "But you wouldn't know what hit you, you'd just be gone. Just like that. I've killed so much, I've lost myself." I measure the denial in his eyes. "I'm barely hanging on to what I am."

Emmett continues to smile, although he doesn't reject my words. "Well, now you've found yourself here, with this guy." He points one finger at himself. "That's a pretty good deal."

I'm quiet for a minute. My thoughts are scattering, and I have to rein them in. I stare blankly at the sky, inhaling deeply as I focus. "Emmett?"

He turns his burning gaze back on me.

I run my tongue over my teeth, considering how to put my words before I speak. "Why are you still here?"

A chuckle passes through his lips. "Didn't I already go over this with you? In a nice big speech?"

"Yeah, you did. But is that really it?"

Emmett is quiet for a long moment. I hold his gaze, waiting patiently. His hand reaches up to slide through the smooth wave of my black hair, while his dark brows pull together. The remains of his smile still rest on his face, although when he speaks, his tone is completely serious.

"I might just be falling for you, Jordan Uley."

I freeze in place for a second. Instinct rejects the shutting down of my body, and I force my head to turn away from his intense stare, resting it back in the pillow of the grass. The world is completely still, although my mind races, whipping around and around with a billion thoughts. I collect myself quickly, holding onto the realization of what his words mean.

He's screwed.

He's suicidal.

And he's serious.

My eyes tighten, and I force my mind to reject each negative thought. I part my lips slightly, drawing in a slow breath. "This is a recipe for disaster."

Emmett shifts around in the cool grass, turning his body toward mine. "You said it yourself—men love a challenge.

"I have a lot more shit to get together than you think, Emmett."

"Great," he answers with a grin. "Where do we start?"

I exhale before drawing in another humid breath. "And you're getting yourself in deeper than you think."

"If you can give me a chance, I can make it easy. Like breathing." Emmett's gaze lightens, the joking gleam in his eyes returning. He pulls himself across the glass, locking his arms around me. "But first, I'd like to snuggle."

My lips break out into a huge smile: a real one, teeth and all. My body relaxes just a little more as I let out a smile—I've been holding it in for a while. My warm body presses against his.

Despite myself, my thoughts are raging once more. My eyes trail past his face, staring up at the dull glow of stars in the dark sky. I focus hard on them, trying to will them to speak, hoping they will write out answers and tell us who we are and where we stand.

Instead of getting answers, Emmett turns his head. A smile curves on his lips and he leans in close. Emmett's cool lips are feather light on mine, and then gone. He rumbles in a content way before he draws away from me, silently reminding me he hasn't forgotten about my need for space. I glance at him, watching him cross his arms behind his head, trying not to notice how he looks, as if he's painted in a picture. I allow myself to stay close to him, resting on my side as I attempt to force my gaze away from him. Our breathing mixes and my heartbeat trails off, although I am far from completely relaxed.

The remains of the pleasure from our heated moment stir inside me. I shiver, my skin tingling as the chill runs down my spine. I hold my breath for a long moment, waiting until his gaze has moved for me to let it out. Even when my lungs burn, I hold my breath in, trying to suffocate the shiver out of me. My heart thumps wildly in my chest. I allow the minutes to tick past for a long while until finally, I feel as if my heart might burst from my chest.

He has fallen for a monster. A twisted, cruel, disgusting monster. He is falling for a lost cause—for someone unlovable.

"I might just be falling for you, Jordan Uley."

I clamp my teeth together, my heart stuttering. My dark gaze studies him, taking in his calm happiness. I take a few minutes to bottle up my pride before I allow my hand to crawl over the damp blades of grass. I stare steadily at his frozen figure, knowing he's watching, although he doesn't move until the tips of my warm fingers brush the icy cold of his hand.

The instant he senses my touch, those golden eyes connect with mine once more. He stares at me, waiting. My eyes brush over his face once more before I speak.

"Emmett, I'm. . ." My mind threatens to scatter again, all of my thoughts racing around with the unsettling pace of my heart. I push it back, seeing the reflection of my dark blue stare in his eyes before I force the words past my lips.

"I think I'm in . . . love."

He smirks, his lip curling up at the corners in amusement. "I knew that. I didn't have to get you out of your shirt to see that this—" He places the backs of his fingers on my chest, just above my heart, which goes wild under his touch, "—is mine."

I return his smirk. My tense shoulders drop as my muscles relax, my body feeling as if it is floating. "You really are having a little too much fun with this, aren't you?"

"Maybe a little," he admits with a chuckle, "But I will get that shirt off at some point, won't I?"

"There's a good chance."

He grins. "I'll be looking forward to it."

I smile to myself, shaking my head. I don't respond to him, knowing there isn't much else to say. My body moves closer to his, and he takes me in his arms. We don't bother to keep even an inch of cautious space between us. I rest my hands on his chest and study his expression as he gazes up at the stars.

As minutes tick by, one hand creeps up toward his face. The tips of my fingers stroke the firm shape of jaw, my eyes roaming over the features of his face. Breathtaking. He is breathtaking. Nothing strikes me more than his eyes as they turn toward mine, curiously searching the emotion mirrored in my own. His eyes are golden once more, all of the dark traces disappeared. It's not the color so much as how bright they are. They seem to shine, filled with a sort of ease and happiness that I've never seen before. I feel like I need to capture that light, keeping it alive. As if he is reading my thoughts, Emmett laughs once, his lips resting in my hair.

My life is one level of hell to the next; my scars can prove that. I am a demon lost in the constantly raging fire of reality and insanity. The flame of my purpose is burning out, until one golden gaze changes that. Suddenly, now that I have him, there is a flicker of hope. But I am one to know that in this world, when things seem to be getting better, it just means life is about to take a downhill dive. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, and maybe not even anytime soon. But it's coming.

In the far distance, a howl rings out. The sound is curt and blunt, meant as a warning. I growl to myself, shaking my head as I pull away from him.

Emmett frowns, pushing himself up onto his elbows. I stand quickly, turning my back to him while I head off toward the dark shadows of the forest. I can't look at him now—temptation will get the better of me. I already hear little voices encouraging me to stay, but I shut them up with another growl.

"Have I scared you off?" Emmett asks.

"Duty calls," I answer a little too quickly. The words spin off my tongue and out my mouth, sounding nearly hostile.

"Gotcha." Emmett hops back to his feet, his unblinking stare settled on my expression. "Tomorrow?"

I pause at the edge of the meadow and risk a glance over my shoulder. I instantly regret it as I catch the disapproving gleam in his eyes. Something else pulls me back to him, drawing me to his strong form, into his muscled arms. . .

"Tomorrow," I answer smoothly.

Emmett's dimples appear as he grins. "Excellent."

My muscles tighten at the sight of his grin. I tear my gaze away from his face, releasing a sharp breath. I can't bear it any longer. I can't wait until tomorrow, I—

I push myself forward, forcing myself to disappear into the shadows of the forest. Darkness swallows me, although it doesn't trap me in. The grip of the forest's call—the desire that threatens to drown me in my own instincts—has fallen off my shoulders. There is no longer an ache inside of me as I pull out the wolf; there is no longer the burn of a need to kill to be complete. And that's all because my heart now lies in the hands of Emmett Cullen, and there just isn't enough of it left to share.