Jasper found his everything in Bella. Bella found nothing she desired in Sam. Being stripped of everything she had Bella finds solace with Peter and Char. Can mates separated by hate overcome their haunted past? AU, Non Canon, Jasper/Bella, M for language/lemons
4. Chapter 4
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I ran. Not thinking of anything apart from keeping one foot in front of the other, I moved swiftly through the Texas night...and as far away from her and them as I could possibly get. It was just all too much and I was at the point where I just couldn't take anymore. Telling Peter and Charlotte everything had drained me and I needed time to think, to process, to figure out what was going on. It had been a long time since I'd been so open with anyone that it just left me too vulnerable...too exposed.
Dawn was breaking when I finally stopped. I had no idea how far I'd run and had absolutely no fuckin' clue where I was. The area was sparsely wooded and the lights of a nearby town were filtering through the trees. Opening up my senses, I tried to feel if anyone was near me and as luck would have it, finally, I was alone. It was going to be a sunny day and I needed to get out of sight. Anyone who came across me in the sunlight would instantly suspect me as being 'abnormal' due to the deathly pale pallor of my skin.
Motel...that would do, I thought to myself as I walked through the still dark street. Heading into one I found, I used all my charm on the blonde behind the counter and persuaded her to let me rent a room for the day only, despite the fact that it was posted all over the reservation desk that rooms could not be rented on an hourly basis. Thickening my drawl, and sending her all the trust I could manage, I fed her a story about an argument with my girlfriend and my need to stay somewhere until she calmed down.
"If there's anything I can do for you sugar, anything at all, you just holler okay," she purred while leaning over the counter and tuggin' down her shirt to show off her ample cleavage a little more.
I had absolutely zero fuckin' interest in taking her up on her blatant offer. She slowly slid the room key along with a piece of paper with what I assumed was her telephone number scrawled on it. I might have laid on the charm a bit too much, and let the paper fall to the floor as discreetly as I could.
Quickly finding my room, I shut the door behind me and closed the thin curtains. Not that they would keep the sunlight out but they would stop any prying eyes from looking in. I needed time to think, to process Isabella's return to my life. As I looked round the threadbare room, I thought that at least it was clean and surprisingly roach free; not that it really mattered, I'd been in much worse places.
Isabella; Te quiera, Te odio... She was once my reason for living, my everything, and now... now, I have no idea what she is to me anymore.
I had decided to see my brother on a whim. I wasn't worried about Alice seeing anything I decided to do, and besides that, no one had a way of contactin' me. I only use disposable cell phones, don't make a habit of givin' out my number, and I usually destroy and replace it if I use it. Not that any of it mattered anyway. I haven't seen the Cullens in five years and I'd never lived with them permanently before that. I'm more of a wanderer, a nomad. I like staying with friends every once in awhile, but I prefer to be alone with my thoughts. I used to follow the 'vegetarian' lifestyle of the Cullens, but I'd given up drinking from animals when my Isabella died. As my meal of choice now are doe-eyed brunettes, I'm not entirely sure how welcomin' the Cullens will be if I ever go back to them.
When I got to Char and Pete's, I hadn't even bothered knocking and just walked straight into the house. Following the lively conversation coming from the back of the house, I headed straight through the great room to the kitchen.
And then I saw her...
Sitting at the breakfast bar and laughing, her head was thrown back and her mahogany hair was flowing wild and loose down her back.
All at once, her disappearance hit me like a ton of bricks; she was alive, she was here...she was right in front of me...and she was alive.
Pure elation coursed through me at first, but it quickly turned to anger, to rage. She had no right to be here and happy and laughing! I had been dead, miserable for the past five years. What the hell gave her the right to smile...to breathe...to live...to sit there like she hadn't been fuckin' gone in the first fuckin' place.
I was stunned...speechless...I can't remember how long I stood there watchin' her...questionin' my sanity.
I must have made a noise, gave some sort of sign that I was there, because she suddenly turned around and looked at me. Countless reactions flew across on her face; joy, panic, a fleeting glimpse of lust, and then terror-absolutely raw terror. She was terrified of me. I watched, confused, as she stood up and looked for an escape but there was nowhere for her to go. Why was she frightened of me? I'd never hurt her physically, well in my fantasies I had but that was after she left me. Besides, they don't really count...because she was dead and had been that way for five fuckin' years now! Though I was dumbstruck and completely confused by her fear, the Major, the sadistic animal deep inside of me, was glad she was scared, she deserved to be after all she put me through.
I shook my head and tried to bring myself back to the present. I needed to a plan, I needed to figure out how I actually felt and what I was going to do about Isabella Swan. But most importantly, I needed to find out what in the fuck was goin' on!
What was I going to do about her?
I could think of something I'd love to do to her...
I imagined her dead on the floor in front of me, my mouth stained with her blood...
No...not dead, not again, I can't handle her dead again...
My thoughts shifted...and I imagined plowing into her from behind...grabbing her by the hair, pulling her head back and exposing the throbbing vein in her throat...sinking my teeth into her while I was deep, deep inside of her wet sex...
I palmed myself through my jeans; I was rock hard and cursing I yanked them open to stroke my cock.
I imagined myself leaning forward, snarling…
I could hear her gasping…moaning…whimpering for me…all for me, only me…
Ah…the thought of my teeth slicing into that throbbing artery…
My fingers knotted in her hair, feeling it cascaded over my shoulders while I arch her back against my chest...
Oh God, I'm almost there….so close…it's been so fucking long…
Watching her full breasts bounce and jiggle with every thrust...I could swear I felt the heat of her flesh and breath against me...slowly moving my hand down her softly rounded belly...lower...teasing my girl...I know what she likes...I'm the only one who knows what she likes...
Fuck...I'm so close...so fucking close...I can't stop...Bella, my Isabella...oh God...
I can hear her whisper to me "Don't stop Jasper, don't ever stop…"
My fantasy Isabella turned her head and looked at me with those big, brown eyes. My big, brown eyes…
And I stopped...my Bella, my Isabella. Oh God, Isabella, I've needed you so much. I could feel the venom welling up in my eyes, more tears for my girl...
My cock went soft immediately…
Fuck, she even manages to ruin jacking off for me!
Frustrated, I fastened my jeans and sat up on the bed. I can't go on like this…it's time to sort out the Isabella issue once and for all…I have to rationalize this and stop relying on my emotions.
As far as I could see I had two options: stay or go, work it out or don't and leave.
If I left I would be alone; but if I stayed… it didn't mean I wouldn't end up alone. She's taken my family from me, and I have fuckin' no idea which of us they would favor if push comes to shove.
What do you do when somebody you loved, someone who betrayed you in the worst way possible suddenly comes back from the dead?
I couldn't even decide if I was happy or not that she was alive.
Fuck, will she ever stop tormentin' me? Is it possible to be in love with someone and loathe their very existence at the same time?
Conflicting thoughts and emotions wreaked havoc on my my and mind throughout the day. Christ, if vampires could get headaches, I would have had a migraine by nightfall.
But there was at least one thing I knew for sure, and that was that there is no way in hell she was going to drive me away from my home. Peter and I had bought the land and built the house when we first escaped Maria. She couldn't make me give that up. She might take my heart, my sanity, and my pride…but she wasn't gonna take my home and my land.Fuck that. I was goin' back home and if the unfaithful little tramp didn't like it, she could be the one to leave. Fuck her.
I am Major Jasper Whitlock, the original American bad ass. I had fought and fucked my way into vampire legend and no wide eyed little human was gonna to take that away from me.Yeah, keep telling yourself that Jasper…one day you might believe it…you know all she has to do is smile at you and you'll fall all over again.
I was really startin' to hate the voice in my head. He seemed to forget the fact that she had walked out on me, she left her mate, not me.
She was gonna pay for it though. Isabella had better be prepared.
Five hours later, and I was sitting on top of the barn watching the light in her bedroom go out, resisting the urge to go through her window. I wanted to shake her and ask why she'd left me for him, the pup, and why she wasn't still with him if they were imprinted on each other. I snarled at the thought, imprinting….she and that fuckin' dog had imprinted….that dog had imprinted on my mate.
Peter and Charlotte obviously weren't gonna tell me shit…and if I asked Isabella would I be able to believe a word she said? As I'd said to Pete last night, they'd obviously taken sides…and it wasn't my side they were on.
Charlotte had said that Isabella hadn't mentioned me…was I really that forgettable to her, did she have no good memories of our time together? Just the thought stung my heart and brought tears to my eyes.
What had happened to the wolf? Did she cheat on him too? Had he kicked her to the curb like she did me? Christ, was Peter safe from the evil succubus? Had he already succumbed to her charms? Does Charlotte know or is she part of it too? What kind of relationship does she have with them? They both love her and she adores them…what the fuck is goin' on here?
Peter and I played poker and drank whiskey all night while Char curled up in a chair with a book. We didn't talk about the human asleep upstairs. Pete tried a couple of times but I just shut him right the fuck down, I'd said my piece. They should be grateful that I even came back, the fuckin' traitors.
When we heard noises signaling that she was waking up, I took off for the barn under the pretense of sorting the morning chores out. Feeding, grooming, and mucking out the stalls somehow kept me calm.
The big, grey horse in the last stall kept pushing me with his head, obviously expecting treats, and the nameplate on his stall said 'Confederate'. He smelt of Isabella, so I assumed he was hers. He was beautiful, I would have been proud to own him in my human life.
After slappin' the dust of my hat off against my leg, I went through the back door into the house, intent on a shower. I could hear voices from Isabella's room. She was trying to persuade Charlotte that she would be ok to go to school, she kept sayin' that she had things she needed to do before her graduation. That was in what…three weeks time now? Why couldn't it wait for her to rest a little longer? Wait, I reminded myself, I don't fuckin' care.
Charlotte reluctantly agreed and offered to drive her. Then they started to argue when Isabella told her no. Why did they fuss over her so much? Why does she let them? She was always so independent. Isabella started speaking again, sayin' the reason she didn't want Char taking her was because she was meeting someone for coffee after class. Char obviously asked who, "Chris" was Isabella's response.
"Your first date in five years sugar..." Char's murmured but I didn't hear the rest. All I could hear was a pounding in my ears and could feel the rage taking over me.
A date! Why the fuck would she wanna go on a date with someone else? Oh yeah shithead, she hates you remember? Why do you care you hate her too.
Forgetting my plan to take a shower, I ran downstairs and slammed the door on my way out. Headin' back into the stables, I grabbed a bridle and put it on the grey I'd noticed earlier. Not bothering with a saddle, I sprung onto his back and galloped away from the house. Several miles away from the house, I finally pulled him to a halt. Seething, I quickly dismounted and proceeded to stomped around, kicking rocks and trees and just about anything I could see to vent this frustration. How dare she arrange to go on a date with someone else, knowing I was here? Charlotte said she didn't date though, was the little bitch doing it deliberately just to tease me and piss me off? If that was indeed her plan, it sure as hell was working. Other questions swirled in my thoughts, confusing me even more. If she'd been here for five years, why was she only just graduating? Surely, she would have done with college two years ago. And why all the medications? I would have to get some fuckin' answers soon before I lose the little bit of sanity I have left.
Who was this Chris that she was meeting? Do they have a relationship? I couldn't bear the thought of anyone but me touching her…making her scream in ecstasy. I've never thought of myself as a jealous son of a bitch, but I couldn't help it when it came to her. Despite everything that had happened, I still wanted her…I still loved her. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, it's a shame it took getting jealous to realize that, fucker.
I sat for hours, just watching the horse graze and trying my damndest not to think about the revelation I'd just had. I needed to talk to her, I needed to try and understand why she did what she did without flying off the handle this time. I could listen to what she had to say, and decide where to go from there.
When I got back to the house, her car still wasn't there. It's eight o'clock at night, I seethed, she should have been home hours ago? How long does it take to drink a cup of fuckin' coffee? Not this damn long, I can guarantee you that. This is bullshit. I got up, intending to go look for her, but Peter and Charlotte made me sit back down, telling me to wait, to trust her. Trust her? Are you fuckin' kidding me? How in the hell can I trust her after everything she's done to me…hell, I'm not even sure I could trust them anymore. There is so much that they aren't telling me, that they're keepin' from me, and…it fuckin' hurts that they obviously think more of upsetting Isabella than they do of upsetting me. Traitors...
Against my better judgment I decided to give her a little while longer. It was ten o'clock and there was still no sign of her. Maybe she's busy fucking the voice in my head helpfully pointed out. Asshole.
I didn't realize I was pacing up and down until Char gave me hell about wearing a path in her wooden floor. I snarled at her…she laughed at me…traitor.
Exactly thirty seven minutes and nine seconds later, I heard a car coming down the long drive. I only heard one heartbeat, so she must be alone…which is a good thing because I don't have a fuckin' clue as to what I would've done if someone else, if Chris, had been with her.
I was heading down the porch steps when I felt hands trying to restrain me. I just shook them off and continued in her direction before she could get out of the car.
"Jasper, be gentle", I heard Char whisper behind me.
I acknowledged her with a nod. I needed to get to Isabella, I needed to see if she smelled of sex… if she doesn't then maybe I could start to trust her a little…if she does, then hell, I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from killing her. Call me an asshole, but I would much rather have her dead than knowing she was lovin' and sharin' what was mine with someone else.
I walked up to her and gently grabbed the top of her arms as I took a deep, unnecessary breath and waited for the scent to reach me.
"Jasper! What the hell are you doing? Wait…are you fucking sniffing me?" Bella cried out, her voice indignant and…tired?
She tried to push me away and even though she's too weak to make me even budge an inch; she keeps shoving harder and harder until I rocked back on my heels. She smells like her; apples and vanilla but now there's a little fear mixed in there too. I love it. Something's a little off about her smell, but it isn't sex, I backed away from her and headed out into the night. God, I need to feed.
For the next few days I made sure I was always in her line of sight. If she walked into a room, I was already there. If she went riding, I was there when she left and when she got back. I waited for her to get back from class, hell I'd follow her there if I thought I could get away with it. The only place I don't intrude is in her bedroom; even I'm not that bad.
Besides,she'll invite me there herself soon enough.
She's better at this game than I expected though; she ignores me, she looks straight through me, she leaves…nothing causes a reaction from her. The few occasions she has referred to me, it's always as 'him' or 'the visitor'. I am nothing to her, I'm invisible…and though I thought it wasn't possible, my heart broke even more.
After a lot of effort, I discovered, by accident, the only way to get a reaction from her. I was standing in the yard, pouring a bucket of water over my head to rinse off all the dirt and grime from workin' in the barn all day. I heard a gasp and felt her near me; the lust and longing pouring off her nearly brought me to the floor. I turned around to look at her and winked. Her blush, my blush, spread from the apples of her cheeks and from experience, I knew the top of her breasts were a pinkish shade as well. I could smell her arousal and never wanted anything so badly in my life. I grabbed my shirt and chuckled as I made my way towards the house, somehow resisting the temptation to just grab her. Game on! Let's see how long she resists now.
The next couple of days were pretty easy to carry on teasing her. I just made sure that I walked around in low slung jeans, boots and a Stetson. Hell, I'd walk around naked all day but I think Pete and Charlotte might complain about it if I did. Peter was already givin' me enough shit about carryin' on like a "cowboy-pornstar" as it was.
This morning though, things were a little different. She got up, talked with Pete and Char for a bit while she ate her breakfast and then headed out to saddle up Confederate. I heard her shout to Peter that she was going out riding and him yelling back a reminder that she's to go no further than the swimming hole, five miles out. She agreed and set off slowly. Why isn't she allowed any further? Why are they so overprotective of her? Why does she allow it? The Isabella I knew was fiercely independent, how…what..what the hell is goin' on?
I immediately took off to get there first…to make sure I'm in the water before she gets there. Although I was tempted to just chuck off the jeans, I reluctantly left them on as I'm close to losing control around her as it is. It wouldn't take much to push me over the edge; hence, uncomfortable, wet jeans stay in place. I want her, God do I want her, but I would never force her. Finally, you're behaving like yourself rather than an asshole. I heard hoof beats on the path and knew she was close by. I stayed still; half submerged in the pool and wondered how long it will take her to notice me.
She just sat there, reins loose in her hands, oblivious to anything around her. She is so beautiful. A cowboy's fantasy; weathered hat tilted on her head, her legs wrapped round the horse, and sitting so still, even when Confederate moved impatiently underneath her. I could have gazed at her for years, never tiring of the sight, but eventually she sighed and threw her leg over the saddle and slid to the floor. Turning around, she finally noticed me.
"Don't you own a shirt?" she muttered.
Five words, more than she had spoken to me since she yelled at mefor sniffing her. Progress, I guess. I stood up in the waterand could immediately feel the lust spiking from her as she started chewing nervously on her bottom lip. The sight alone caused my own lust to grow. I stalked towards her, growling softly.
"I've seen you lookin' Isabella, you seem to prefer it when I don't wear one."
She blushed again, and then recovered quickly turning her back to me. I kept heading towards her anyway. I felt fear coming off her, but ignored it. I know I'm not gonna hurt her, of course if she asked me to I'd spank her bubbly little ass, my mama brought me up to always do as a lady asks.
"Stay away", she whispered, but I ignored her and kept moving closer. I was so close that I could kiss her if I wanted to. Suddenly, she turned, whipped back around with a shotgun in her hand, and pointed it straight at my chest. She wouldn't really shoot me would she? Surely she knows it won't kill me. I smirked and step closer and next thing I knew, I heard a bang.
Holy shit, she shot me...she really fuckin shot me! Snake shot at pointblank range doesn't do any damage, but that's not the fuckin' point here…she fuckin' shot me!
"You little hellcat, you need to cool off for a while!"
I picked her up and threw her in the swimming-hole. Ignoring her spluttering, swearing and splashing, I mounted her horse and rode back home, thinking that while I'm pissed at her for shootin' me, I do admire her balls for doing it. Plus, she did look damn sexy holding that gun. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Peter's in the yard when I get back, and when he notices that I'm on Confederate, his worry spikes and he runs over to me demanding to know what the hell I'm doing on 'his babies horse'. I told him that she shot me and he doubled-over laughing hysterically for a minute or two. Then he reacts, pulling me off the horse and shovin' me up against the barn, his hand wrapped around my neck. I could have shaken him off at any second, but decided to see where this was going.
"You left her at the swimming hole" he snarled and I nodded back.
"Is she still alive?" he sounds desperate now and again I nod.
"Is she hurt?"
I shook my head this time.
"She'd better not be fucker," he growled out as he let go of my neck and jumped onto the horse to gallop down the path back towards Isabella.
"She's the one that fuckin' shot me! Why are you goin' after her?" I shout after him, but he ignored me.
"Ya' know what, I hope she shoots you too!" I yelled. You sound like a five year old the voice in my head points out sarcastically. I tell it to fuck off.
Frustrated, hurt, and just not havin' the foggiest clue what I should do anymore; I headed into the house, picked up my cellphone, and called the only person I could trust anymore.
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