Who's Loving You?
Edward comes to the realization he is in love with his best friend Jasper. What will Jasper say? If they do go into a relationship together, how will everyone react? Will they overcome the hardships they may face?
Rated this adult just to be on the safe side. First time I've actually written a slash story, I hope you like it.
1. Chapter 1: You & Me - Lifehouse
Rating 0/5 Word Count 3894 Review this Chapter
Chapter 1: You & Me - Lifehouse
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I had no idea what to do now, I knew nothing. All I knew, all I came to realize this week, was that I love my best friend. I am in love with my best friend. Thing is, though, my best friend isn't a girl. The one I love, who I supposed to be a she, is a he. Jasper Whitlock, my best friend for live.
Jasper is perfect; he has honey blond hair which is complimented by his baby blue eyes and cute dimples. I love they way he is muscular, but not over the top so, and how he's slightly taller than me, but not by much. I love the way he smiles at me when we're talking and the way my name rolls over his tongue when he says it. Fuck, I love everything about him!
Problem is, I'm not gay, I've always liked the view and feel of women. Jasper was just... different, I guess. These feelings I had for him, now I realized what exactly they were, were freaking me out. How was I supposed to act with him now? What would I say to him in school tomorrow? Would he know what I was thinking, how I would be imagining him and me, naked in the shower? Would he hate me if he ever found out the truth? I had no idea, but I could not risk loosing him as a friend; I could never risk that.
Maybe these feelings were temporary, and tomorrow I would look at a nice piece of woman ass and completely forget about him. Still, what if I didn't? Did that mean I was gay, after all? I mean, I'd never gotten turned on by a man, but maybe I was just a late bloomer?
Arggg!!!! So many questions and no fucking answers at all. I needed to talk to someone, someone who would understand and not judge - someone who would never utter a word of this to anyone else. I couldn't talk to my sister, Alice, she was too close to me and would try and set me and Jasper up for sure, I had no doubt about that. Emmett and Rosalie, my other friends, were out of the question as well. That only left... Bella.
Bella would be the perfect choice to talk to. I've been friends with her almost as long as I've been friends with Jasper, we’re very close. I could always go to her with any problems, without receiving judgement or nasty remarks. She is one of the kindest persons I'd ever met, a friend I hoped to have till the day I died. She's always nice to everyone, very caring and loving, and truly a blessing to have as a friend. I should have thought of her right away, but I hadn't seen her as much lately as I used to. She's been spending a lot of time with her new boyfriend, Jacob Black, from the La Push Reservation. I could tell he's a nice guy and they're crazy about each other, so, if her happiness means that we had to spend less time together, I would accept that. Though I knew, if I called now, she'd come over right away.
I picked up my phone and dialled Bella's number. It rang several times before she picked up.
"Hello?" She asked, absolutely puzzled as to who would call her - silly Bella, never checking her caller ID.
"Hey, it's me," I said, I didn't need to ad my name, she knew my voice anywhere, just as I knew hers.
"Oh, hey, Edward, what's up?" She asked, her soft, gentle voice carrying through the lines of the phone.
"I-I was wondering if, if...," Oh, come on, don't loose your courage now, I chastised myself, took a deep breath and continued, "Could we talk?" I asked, feeling the energy drain from me as my thoughts continued to attack me.
"Sure, I'll be right over, see you in a few," She said, worry evident in her tone, then hung up. I smiled a small, tired smile; Bella was so predictable when it came to certain things.
Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang and I rushed downstairs to let Bella in. By the time I was downstairs, I heard Alice talking to Bella already, asking things she really shouldn't be. That little pixie may only be 14 years old, but she knew way too much for her own good.
"Are you here to talk to Eddie about how weird he's acting?" Alice asked, using the nickname I hated. I cleared my throat and coughed to make my presence known before Bella could say anything to Alice, not that she would know what to say, but still. I was acting slightly paranoid, so what!
"Hey," Bella said when she saw me, I nodded and tilted my head upwards, asking her to follow me to my bedroom where we could talk in private. She nodded and made her way up.
"Don't eavesdrop." I warned Alice, my tone reflecting how serious I was. She simply shrugged and danced off to the living room. I know she's my sister and all, but damn, that kid is weird! Doesn't matter, I love the little squirt to death.
Once upstairs, Bella and I sat on the bed, Indian style, facing each other. A silence ruled over us as she just looked at me, worried, while I refused to look at her. Suddenly, I was beginning to doubt if this was a good idea.
"Talk to me Edward. What's wrong?" She finally asked, breaking the silence. I took a deep breath, exhaled and prepared to tell her the biggest secret I'd ever had in my entire life.
"I... have... feelings for... someone," I said, hesitantly, not yet mentioning this someone was a guy, Jasper, to be more specific.
"And this person doesn't have the same feelings for you?" She asked, guessing, I responded with a nod.
"How do you know?" She questioned, I tilted my head up in confusion.
"How do you know this person does not share the same feelings?" She asked, clarifying her question.
"I just do, okay. I mean, I'm pretty sure. I haven't asked, but I doubt he...," I trailed off, stopping mid-sentence when I realized what I'd said. I looked at Bella in shock, wary of what her reaction would be. Instead of the appalled yelling I was fearing, though not expecting, she smiled a tentative, little smile.
"Have you tried talking to Jasper about your feelings?" My mouth fell open, not because of her question, but because she knew I was talking of Jasper - was I so obvious?
"I'm not stupid, Edward, I see things, I see the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. But I'm pretty sure no one else suspects a thing," she said, trying to make me feel more at ease. Wait. What? What did she mean 'the way he looks at you'? He looked at me in a way?
Sensing my confusion, Bella continued, "Remember when we were in 7th grade, and I got this really mad crush on you?" She asked, I nodded, telling her I remembered.
"Well, back then, I used to imagine you looking at me with pure love and adoration written on your face, not the friendship type. That's how you look at Jasper..., I think it's kind of how you always looked at him. How he looks at you," She finished, her caring and sweet eyes assuring me that she was telling nothing but the truth, well, what she considered to be the truth.
But it can't be. Jasper can't like me; he likes girls, always has, always will. Though, I liked girls too, remember? And now, the only person I like is a guy. Could it be that Bella is right? Or did she misread all the signs?
"I... don't know, I, maybe you're wrong. I, god, this is so fucking messed up. How did I end up in such a situation?" I rambled, Bella sighed when I was finished freaking out some more.
She was about to speak when there was a knock on my door. Who could that be? Alice never knocked and Esme and Carlisle were out of town for the week.
"Come in," I said and my heart skipped a beat when the door opened to reveal Jasper. What was he doing here? We hadn't made any plans to meet up today, did we?
I just stared in his eyes, unable to avert myself from the beauty of them. All the while, he stared back. Bella was looking from him to me, smirking. I finally tore my gaze away from Jasper long enough to glare at Bella.
"What?" She said, acting all innocent and sweet.
"What did you do?" I asked through clenched teeth, anger seething through me, though I knew she was only trying to help. My glare did not affect her one bit, instead, she smiled even more.
"I might have send a text message or something. Anyway, I'll leave you two to it. Behave, both of you," She said, walking out of the room, still smirking.
An eerie silence rose between Jasper and I, making me very uncomfortable. Finally, he spoke, "So, what exactly is going on here?" He asked, showing me the text message he received from Bella.
Hey Jazzie, I'm at Edward's. He really needs to talk to you, matter of life and sex. XXX Bellsie.
A matter of life and sex? Seriously? She actually send that to him? I had to admit, I'd never thought of Bella as the type to write dirty messages. I guess I was wrong.
"So, speak up man - who 'r you crushin' on?" He asked, though I could sense an underlining tone of anger to his tone, as if he were mad I was thinking of someone. I was probably just imagining it, though.
How would I tell Jasper that he was the one I was lusting for, the one I was in love with? How would he react? If Bella was right, then he would react very positively. But if she was wrong, there was a chance he'd hate me. Maybe I should just start with telling him I'm gay. Wait, since when am I gay? Since I started jerking of to images of a guy. But I could be bisexual, right? Wrong. Ever since I discovered my true feelings for Jasper, the thought of ever being with another woman, ever again, makes me sick. I am gay.
"What?!" Jasper almost yelled, eyes wide open with shock and surprise. What did I say to cause such an outburst?
"What what?" I asked, confused now. That was, until Jasper cleared it all up for me.
"You... uh... said something about... being... g-gay;" He mumbled, clearly embarrassed, half-whispering the last word as if something bad would happen if he said it in a normal tone. I hadn't even realized I had said those words aloud; I had wanted to ease him into it. Now that option was out the window.
Oh god, did he hate me now? I hope not. Please don't let him hate me. I didn't even realize I was crying until Jasper brought his hand to my face and wiped away the tears. I looked at him while sobbing, not understanding what he was doing. He smiled at me, then enveloped me in a hug.
I've no idea how long we just sat there on my bed, while I sobbed in his arms, holding him so tightly I was surprised he didn't feel any pain.
Suddenly, I didn't care anymore what Jasper would think when I would make my next move. He seemed to be fine with the fact that I was gay, so now I could only chance it and hope he responded in a good way.
I pulled away from Jasper's hug, looked him straight in the eyes as I brought my hands to the sides of his face, leaned my face forward until my lips were only inches away from his and I could feel his hot breath on my face. Jasper looked at me with confusion written all over his face and before I knew it, my lips were on his and it was as if an electrical shock went through my entire body.
At first, I feared he'd push me away and punch me in the face as he did nothing to respond to my kiss, but I was wrong. Once the shock wore off, his lips moved in perfect synchronization with mine. His lips were soft and gentle, tasting of honey, I thought. Soon, the kiss became more urgent and he was fighting for dominance, begging me to open my mouth and let him in, which I happily did. The moment his tongue touched mine I let out a moan I didn't realize I was trying to suppress. Our tongues were swirling around, tasting and exploring each other, pleasuring us in all the right ways.
Much too soon, we pulled away to catch our breath. We were both breathing heavily against each other's face, our foreheads still connected. I gave him a quick peck on the lips, delighted with this turn of events and enveloped him in a hug, relishing in his sweet, sugary smell.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for you to do that," Jasper whispered in my ear, his voice a little shaky - was he crying?
I pulled away and looked at him with nothing but concern and love in my eyes - he was crying.
"Jasper, what's wrong?" I asked, my tone slightly filled with panic over his well being. Had I hurt him somehow?
"I always thought you'd hate me if you found out I'm gay. I always thought I would never be able to have you. I just, god, I'm such a girl, but I'm just happy right now. I've never been so happy. I-I love you Edward. I always have," He sobbed and once I knew the reason behind his tears, I smiled and took in his appearance; he looked so cute right now.
"I love you too, Jasper. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize this. I only figured it out a couple of days ago, and I was dying inside when I thought you might hate me. I can't imagine how it must have been for you," I told him earnestly; he responded with another peck on the lips.
After a full blown make-out session, we lay down on the bed while I held Jasper in my arms, and we talked. We talked about everything, things we'd never talked about before, things we only now discovered about each other.
"How long have you know?" I asked him at a random moment, after we were silent for quite some time.
"I guess I've always known I was different, but it was 2 years ago, at the start of our freshmen year, that I knew for sure," He said, his cheeks turning a delicious shade of pink as he thought of a distant memory.
"What happened to confirm it to you?" I asked, by which he blushed even more. It was funny to see him so embarrassed and his blush was giving me a hard on.
"I... you'll be mad," He said, ducking his head, averting my gaze. I lifted his head up with my hand and looked him in the eye.
"I will not be mad, I swear, I'm just curious," I said, meaning every word of it. No matter how bad he thought it was, I would not be mad.
"I- after our first gym class... I saw you... naked," He mumbled, but I understood. Seeing me naked had confirmed his suspicions that he was gay. And fuck me, but I groaned; that was such a turn on. He raised an eyebrow at me and I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle; he looked so funny in that moment.
"I'm sorry, but, you look so funny right now and goddamn, hearing you say what confirmed it for you makes me so horny. You haven't got a clue how hot I think that is," I voiced, figuring I owed him an explanation. He smiled an ear-to-ear give-me-a-fucking-hard-on smile, which I happily returned. The fact that I was so hard right now it was starting to hurt didn't matter just yet; I wanted to talk more to Jasper - I needed us to talk more. I'd just have to think of less pleasant things such as maths class or Mrs. Pultrey and her greasy hair, cigarette/alcohol mixed breath and her disgusting boobs. Oh yeah, that did it! My boner was gone and I was left with disturbing images of Mrs. Pultrey and her boobs. Eww; I had to suppress a shudder at the vision.
Looking over at Jasper, seeing his face in perfect concentration, followed by relief washing over his features, I knew he had done the same. As he looked over at me, we simultaneously asked the same question: "What did you think of?" We chuckled and replied, again, at the same time: "Mrs. Pultrey's boobs." Yeah, that was the perfect cure to a raging hard on. After a quick laugh, we turned serious again. This time, Jasper asked the questions.
"How did you know?" He asked and I sighed; this would not be easy for me to answer. How was I supposed to tell him I had been watching his every move like some crazy stalker for the past couple of months, without even knowing why up until this week? I guess, if we would be honest with each other, I had to tell him.
"I didn't know why, at first, but a couple of months ago, I started to get kind of, well, obsessed... with you. I would watch your every move like a hawk, enjoying every second of it. I started to think of you more and more often. I, eum, even, eum, started, jerking off... you know," I mumbled the last part; Jasper nodded, indicated he knew better than anyone what I meant and waited patiently for me to continue. He knew how hard this was for me; no one knew me better than him.
"I thought I was going crazy. Not one girl could hold my interest for longer than two seconds; all I thought about was you. You were on my mind all the time and suddenly, this week, it all clicked. I realized I was obsessed with you because I am in love with you. You were all I thought about because you are the only one I ever want to think about. I didn't realize I'm gay until the words slipped from me earlier today." After my little rant, I exhaled loudly, glad to get it all off my chest.
"What started it for you? What made you think of me?" Jasper asked, curious, which he had every right to be. I blushed and looked away - I never ever blushed! I think my confession would be even more embarrassing than Jasper's.
"It's okay, you can tell me. I'm just curious," He said, throwing my earlier words back in my face. I nodded, took one deep breath and proceeded in telling him everything.
"It was something you said, stupid really, but still, after you said it, you were stuck on my mind for good." He didn't say a word, simply waiting for me to continue, giving me my time.
"You said...," - I sighed, I really didn't want to tell him this, it was so silly- "...I looked good that day." His eyes widened in shock at my confession and I knew why.
"I know, I know. We've said that to each other like a thousand times before, but that day, I guess it finally stuck." His face turned into a shit-eating grin, beaming at my confession - relishing in the fact that one little sentence we had said more than a hundred times to each other led us to this very moment.
He reaches his head up to mine until his delicate, perfectly shaped lips were on mine. This kiss was different from the others. They were more soft, gentle than before, not a trace of urgency behind them. He pulled away, laid his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around me. He sighed contently before closing his eyes, trying to remember this very moment forever, I think.
"Does anyone know about you?" I asked after a while of perfect stillness.
"My mother found out a couple of months ago; she has no problems with it. My father's a different issue all together. He doesn't know yet - you know how conservative he is; he'd probably kill me or something. I will tell him when the time is right, but I just hadn't had any reason to do so before now," He explained and I nodded in understanding. I was glad his mother accepted her son for who she was, but also scared for Jasper's safety when it came to his father. I never liked that man and neither has Jasper - he's always loved him, but never liked him, he told me one - and was afraid of what he could do to Jasper when he found out.
We didn't discuss his father any further, instead, we discussed me again. He asked me if anyone knew about me and I laughed - there was one person who knew and she'd known long before I did and she probably knew about Jasper as well. I recounted the conversation I had earlier to Jasper and all he could do was smile and say: "That's our Bella, alright." I had to smile too, he was so right. Bella was always so observant, more so than anyone I'd ever know, and she kept all she saw to herself, didn't use it as gossip or blackmail. She was truly a saint.
"Jazz...," I hesitated before continuing. I wanted to ask him the most important question of my life, but I was scared to be rejected. I realized it was a silly and irrational fear, but still, it was there. Jasper, sensing my hesitation and fear, took my hand in his and started rubbing soothing circles on my palm with his thumb. That gave me the exact amount of confidence I needed for this.
"Jasper..., will you be my... b-boyfriend?" I asked, stuttering a little, my voice breaking on the last word. I was afraid to look at Jasper, afraid what he might think, but he wouldn't let me avert my gaze from him. He took my face in his hands and looked me square in the eye and smiled his biggest smile ever.
"Always," He whispered, before leaning in and enveloping me in his kiss, which I most gladly accepted. I hadn't been so happy in ever; I had found the missing piece to the puzzle. We would deal with all the rest later, we would come out together when we were both ready and we wouldn't let anything stand in our way. Our love would be undying, forever lasting.
TO BE CONTINUED